Sincerity in its Madness
by Ino Death
Summary: Shiro is left broken after being separated for 12 years. With nothing but despair and sadness inside of him he writes a letter to his beloved strawberry hoping to become one again. What will Ichigo do when he finds Shiro standing outside his window looking like the living dead? Rated M for hardcore angst.
1. Letter

Sincerity in its Madness

**((A/N: for those who want to listen to the music they played The youtube link is www youtube com/****watch?v=33H5zM-ErlA I don't own bleach I simply only own the plot for this oneshot. I don't really think I will be making more to this, but the demand for more is high enough then I might consider it. Please review, and check out Love Me Bitterly Loath Me Sweetly))**

_Dear my beloved King, _

_In this letter you are reading I ask you not to fret, fore at the moment I am fine, but I doubt you'll even care to read this letter, for I was nothing but your source of protection, your entertainment, a toy for you to manipulate at will. Though I must ask, do you remember all the times we've spent together. The times when you use to come to your inner world and we would just sit and talk. The times where we use to make love secretly inside your inner world as we hid from Zangetsu. Do you remember that song I use to play on the piano for you when you would let me manifest in the world of the living? Do you remember that time where I had left your inner world just to save you and after we had run away you made me promise you that I would never stop smiling? Do you? Let alone do you even remember _me_? Do you remember that night 12 years ago when you thought I had died and you went back to the soul society and took your place as overseer of hueco mundo? My beloved, I must ask though, have you ever even gave a single thought about me after I had nearly died protecting you? Because for me Day after reteched day, night after sleepless night I would think of you every second. There were countless times where I had nearly given up hope but remembered your promise and did not give into the temptation of that blade we both share, in a way I know you would hate me for! My beloved when you read this letter I must ask, have you ever given thought as to who still protects you while you sleep peacefully in bed with your little Queen? Why even after all these years you still remain alive even after _I _had _died_? Was I not the one who saved you all those times by taking over and lending you my power to the fullest? Am I no longer the one who claims your beautiful heart?! Am I no longer as to any value to you? Are we no longer one soul? Are you afraid that the demon that was once inside you that you once called your Horse will one day turn against you? My Beloved as you read this, if you even do, afterwards I want you to look out your window and tell me the truth to these two questions I must ask. If I can no longer smile, will you still love me... that is if you even do. Can you fix the mangled heart of mine if you still love me...Ichigo Kurosaki_

_**Your hollow  
**_ _**Shiro Engetsu**_

The letter was written in what seemed to have been blood from what the orange haired man, Ichigo Kurosaki had noticed. As he continued to read the letter he had also noticed what seemed to be tear stains on the letter. He could see the little blotches and with each word he read he got more confused. When he finished the letter Ichigo frowned and looked out his window.

What he saw was what seemed to be a completely white version of himself that hadn't slept or even eaten in years. Eyes seemed dull, almost dead looking. He was skin and bones and riddled with scars, some self inflicted others from actual combat. The white version of himself that called himself Shiro Engetsu looked as if Ichigo was holding his life in his hands.

Ichigo looked at him with pity before closing his window and leaving the white hair version for dead.


	2. Monster

What's a monster? Can someone define it for me? I hear people look at me and cower. Yell at me and call me this once name upon many. They call out monster they point and shake and then run. I don't bother with chasing them. There is no point. They all fear me and I can't tell if it's because of my looks or the past that haunts me in my dreams that I cannot remember.  
I remember only one thing. One thing that keeps me from dropping to the sand in this hell that is forever night, and just wait for death to take me. But that one thing is starting to fade. I know it's been ten years. I know that much. And I know the bits and pieces of why I guard the King of Hueco mundo without his knowledge, but each and every day part of me is starting to question live on. There hole forming where my heart should be, but every time it grows it's not numbness that replaces the area. No I feels hard to breath and pain becomes worse. Though... it only grows when I sleep. I think maybe I shouldn't do that anymore. I don't like the pain or the way my eyes feel heavy and how water silently pours from my eyes when I do. So yeah I think I'll stop sleeping. Maybe I'll feel better.

Two years have passed... I remember everything now. Though I still can't understand why people feel the need to run from me. I am I shell of what I was. My body for all it may be, could be just a damn walking corpse... Maybe that's why. I look so dead. Scars rittle my body. My eyes have bags under them from not sleeping and the hole in my has grown. It's huge... It takes up all of my heart and I can stick an open hand through it. It grew so quickly after I had saw our king of this hell. It hurt so badly I had to sonido out of the place. When I did, the pain skyrocketed and I dropped to the ground before turning into a screaming crying and writhing mess. When it was over I couldn't move for a few hours and opted to just curl into a ball, hoping not to be found.

I've learned though, that the physical pain takes away from the pain my hole causes. I don't know why but it does. It the main reason there are so many scars. Though even though I know the king is my source of pain I want to see him once more. I know I'm connected to him, and I have many questions. Maybe I'll write to him and see if he'll answer me.

...

It hurts... The pain I'm inflicting upon my body is not helping anymore. No matter how deep I bring my blade it won't stop the pain from my hole...  
I'd wrote to my king and he read it. But... he looked at me so coldly... he shook his head and ripped the letter up letting it fall to the ground in front of me...  
It hurts so much, so why am I laughing? My face is wet... am I crying. The sand is turning red. How deep have I cut?  
_He hates you!  
You don't deserve even a glance from him!  
He wants you dead!_

I'm hearing things... I think I've lost it... I wonder... Should I die...? Yeah... I think I should... The king gets what he wants and the pain stops... Right...? Maybe I should leave my rotting corpse as a parting gift... maybe... I think he might be happy with it... Yeah... King'll be happy without me.


End file.
